Friending the Friendless Child

Friends. Buddies. Acquaintances. Every child, teen and young adult – not just the most popular – need someone who notices them. And then goes one step further to acknowledge them.

My five traumatized sons included.  In spite of my best efforts, play dates were few. Birthday parties even less. Sleepovers non-existent.

2002 Back to School

Fortunately during their elementary school years, they were blessed with Claire – a wonderful neighbor girl. She also happened to be in the same grade as two of my sons. Yet she found time to shower all five with kindness and understanding.

To her, their special needs didn’t matter. She simply focused on the similarities, rather than becoming stuck on the differences.

Meeting Claire at the elementary school bus stop was a bright spot for my sons. No wonder they never missed the bus, even on the coldest days! She always initiated a conversation. She asked appropriate questions. She learned about their interests. And she started their morning with a smile that often carried them through the day.

In other words, she made them feel good about themselves. In real time. In five minutes or less.

She made them feel good about themselves.

As a young girl – who I watched mature into a beautiful and balanced woman, she knew exactly what to say and do.

Hats off to her mother Dana. She was a special friend to my family and me – which easily explained Claire’s character, openness, optimism and sincerity. Both mother and daughter consistently modeled caring relationships. Each time making the gesture look effortless.

Everyone was accepted. Everyone was included.

No judgment displayed. No cliques allowed. No behaviors deemed too annoying. That says a lot when many people often walked away from my sons.

Best Buddies

The beauty of Claire’s relationship with them was its spontaneous nature. She wasn’t a Best Buddy or part of a special school program to build bridges with exceptional kids – although she would have been great in the role or as the leader of such an organization.

Claire was simply being Claire.

She did what came naturally. She liked being nice. And she made being nice look like the cool thing to do. The result? My sons responded to her with courtesy and confidence, even when fixated on having a bad day. Or sabotaging any chance for enjoyment.

Even when mad at me or one of their siblings.

Without question, parents – and teachers – need to nurture more young people like Claire. Lots more! At least one for every classroom. Maybe two or three. They are a compassionate yet powerful force.

She liked being nice.

In fact, I will go one step further.

Claire had more impact than any written expectations in my sons’ behavior plans – because she gave them positive peer attention which they immediately shared with their classmates and teachers. The good will was infectious. 

At the same time, she motivated other capable students to do the same. 

Yet she never expected anything in return.

Even today when my young adult sons see Claire – who has since graduated from college, their hearts instantly melt. Good memories overflow. Better behavior results.

Thank you, Claire, for your unselfish ways and ongoing commitment.

Alone2Is there a “Claire” in your children’s lives? If not, do they need one?

Can you find an eager boy or girl to accept the role, perhaps with a teacher’s help? Perhaps through a school-wide initiative?

It might be easier than you think. 

And it might make more of an impact than you ever imagined.  DCP


Craig Peterson publishes EACH Child every Tuesday. To subscribe, open this link and “Like” the page. EACH Child is Special: Working Smarter Not Harder to Raise Every ONE

To learn more about Adopting Faith: A Father’s Unconditional Love, Craig’s soon-to-published memoir about raising six children with special needs, click here: Adopting Faith: A Father’s Unconditional Love

To follow my son Andrew’s inspiring story, “Like” his special Facebook page Andrew Peterson Goes for the Gold

2 thoughts on “Friending the Friendless Child

  1. As Claires grandfather I was busting with pride w hen I read the story Friending The Friendless story. I have been blessed with
    several grandchildren, all of whom have the “reach out and touch someone traits” that have been engrained in them by loving
    parents. Unconditional love is a wonderful Christian precept and I am so proud of my grandkids for this wonderful “light” they
    share with all.

    Ken Cochran

  2. What a beautiful post. My 12 yr old seems oblivious to the fact she has no friends but it pains me. She has a buddy system at school but the idea that there’s 1,2 even 3 Claire’s per class is such a simple idea but what an impact it would make! Thanks for posting – and thanks to Claire 👏👏

Leave a Reply